Of life and rollercoasters (drain the blood)

Right now there's this feeling in my stomach. It's like the kind that you get at the top of a rollercoaster. Just as you go over the highest point, but just before you actually begin to fall. There's the anticipation, the waiting, and then there's the fear, the fear that tells you that it's all over, you're definitely going to crash and burn. But there's also hope and faith, you are pretty sure that you'll stay on the track, buckled down into your seat. So because of that reassurance, you decide what the hell, I'll lift my hands up in the air and enjoy the ride.

I don't know how many times a rollercoaster has been compared to life. Probably enough times to make it one of the most trite metaphors that has ever made it's way out of my mouth, or in this case, from my fingertips. But this is how I feel. For some reason it hit me today that this is the rest of my life, this is just before my freefall. I can either let go and enjoy the ride, or I can close my eyes and scream the whole time. And even if I crash, the restraints break, at least I know I got on and tried.

So here's to lifting my hands to the air, and to not letting anyone hold me back.

Revolution for the hell of it?? Not even that.

Our generation (those born between about 1985-1990, specifically) SUCKS.

Honestly, what have we done? Have we had any huge political movements that incited FEAR into our leaders? Fear that we might change the minds of some people? Have we let them know that we've wised up to the fact that they're wrong? Have we let anyone know that we aren't happy about where this country is going?

I have heard MANY of you bitch and moan about "Bush sucks! Mehhhh!"

Well....What are you doing about it? Nothing. It's easy for you all to run at your mouths, but do you care enough to put down that bottle of hairspray and DO something? No. We sit.We complain.

NOTHING is done.

At least in the 1960's people had the novel idea of taking drugs to open up their minds. It was a tool to HELP them make a difference.

Now, people don't even pretend to care.

Selfish. We're all selfish.

We're even selfish with the little things that we can do to make a difference. A lot of you are going to be able to vote for the first time in 2008. Will you? Maybe a few of you. But most of you no. And all you people who have been able to vote, and didn't, why? Did you have something better to do for those 15 minutes on that ONE day?

Sorry, I have to go put on makeup, so I can't stand up for what I believe in.

The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test and Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why is it that children are to bee seen and not heard?
Why do we chastise a child for telling someone they had a big nose? They are just being honest. I wish I had that kind of blunt honesty.
When I was little I wanted to be a painter. But as I grew up, I realized I couldn’t paint. So I decided not to be a painter.
Society trains every ounce of originality out of you as you get older. It tells you what is right, what is wrong, and how you are supposed to act.
Society sets its standards, and then we are told that we must live by them.
Society says my paintings are bad, so I stop painting, and peruse something else.
How do we know that everything we thought as a child isn't true? How do we know that our imaginary friend that had purple wings and three arms wasn't real? What if as children we are untainted, untouched enough to be able to communicate with another dimension, another realm?
Again, I ask, why are children thought as naive, unintelligent things that are to me molded to fit what we think they should be?

"Remember to Remember Me"

So I made a mix today for someone, and I love it. There isn't really a set theme, but it has a nice flow to it, I think. The Arcade Fire shows up twice, because they are incredible, and I just bought tickets to see them in Berkeley in June. Devendra Banhart's here twice as well because he just is. I don't have links to MP3's, but still, here it is.

1. "Hey Mama Wolf" -Devendra Banhart

2. "Think Long" -Mates of State

3. "My Moon, My Man" -Feist

4. "Ambulance" -TV On the Radio

5. "Wicked Game" -Bassboosa

6. "Hummingbird" -Wilco

7. "Santa Maria Da Feira" -Devendra Banhart

8. "Labor" -Aesop Rock

9. "Bad Days" -The Flaming Lips

10. "Neighborhood #2" -The Arcade Fire

11. "Super Sexy Woman" -Sufjan Stevens

12. "Hussy" -The Crystal Skulls

13. "Turn On Me" -The Shins

14. "You Fuck Like My Dad" -Giant Drag

15. "Miss Fat Booty" -Mos Def

16. "Poster of a Girl" -Metric

17. "Lovers in Captivity" -Ima Robot

18. "Keep the Car Running" -The Arcade Fire

I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train.

You know what I hate? People who think that any music that is popular or mainstream is bad. And if I said right now "Hey I want to listen to some Beyonce." Well you know what most of my little "indie" friends would say? They'd say I was lame. But you know what, I like Beyonce. She's an incredible singer, so why can't I appreciate her for it? The only way I could "get away with" listening to Beyonce is if I were to refer to her as my "guilty pleasure." Why do I have to feel "guilty" about the music I like?
This thing about losing all cred if you like mainstream music is also true of bands that used to be obscure, but are now very popular. Case in point, Bright Eyes. I love Bright Eyes, and I know a lot of people who liked them too. Those same people now claim to hate them just because they have been getting airtime on the radio.
This is absurd to me because it just doesn't make any sense, no matter how you look at it. On one hand, they may now be undesirable because they are "popular" or they "sold out." but c'mon, they are still the SAME BAND. Bright Eyes hasn't changed their style, they have just experienced success. And I think liking a band simply because no one knows who they are is really ridiculous. How can you honestly base a band's merit upon whether or not you can get their cd at Best Buy? Do people really feel cooler because their favorite band's new album can only be bought at the small hole in the wall record store in a hidden alley on 5th Street?


Oh, and by the way, I want to get into Alex from Ima Robot's white MC Hammer pants. Bad.

His goal in life was to be an echo

I can watch this over and over and never get tired of it.
This song is amazing, and the video is sickeningly sweet enough for me to be completely in love with it.

I shook the hand of time and I knew

So I am reading this pretty amazing book right now. Thus its worthiness of being inserted into a post since I have not posted in a month or so. It is called Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman and comments on our current dependence on the media to live. A quote to start us out:
"The clock is a piece of power machinery whose 'product' is seconds and minutes." -Lewis Mumford
This quote was in the book, followed by this statement:
In manufacturing such a product, the clock has the effect of disassociating time from human events and thus nourishes the belief in an independent world of mathematically measurable sequences. Moment to moment, it turns out, is not God;s conception, or nature's. It is man conversing with himself about and through a piece of machinery he created.

Is it not obvious that time is a creation solely of men? Do animals in nature run on time clocks? Have you ever seen a bird flying around with a pocket watch tied around his neck?
One would argue that man needs the concept of time to live and to flourish. This may be true of men, which says something of our species, seeing as how the birds and the fish get along perfectly fine without a clock ticking their life away for them and constantly reminding them of their mortality.

If time is a creation of man, how is it that people never seem to have enough of it? How can you not have enough of what is not there? Time is merely an idea. Yet another attempt on man to name everything that is unnameable. It's the same principal that can be applied to the mind. Men like Freud have tried to explain everything about something that can not be seen and could not be explained. They made rationals for something that is clearly irrational.

Though, it seems that this concept of time is something so old that man has become dependent upon it. Just as he needs air to breathe, water to drink, and food to eat, man needs time to live. It is funny to think that something that is not there has become a catalyst for life and for the well being of a person. For example, if I did not show up to work on-time, I might get fired. If I were fired, I would not have money. If I did not have money, I would starve. Clearly, time is needed, and must be valued.

However, what if the concept of time were removed from all life? How would you personally get along? How would society survive?

Just something to think about...

I can do the frug.

I was going to make a lengthy and pissed off post about the blood diamond trade, and then a very nice second half about an epiphany I recently had, but I think I'll just post a new mix I recently dreamed up instead. This, being, because I am a teenager, and am inherently lazy. But do not fret, my readers! (I say readers like it is a number bigger than the actual people who may read this regularly, which is probably something like 3.) Soon, probably this weekend, if I remember, the aforementioned post will be made, and you may be pleased with life, and continue on in your manner with it, because alas! You shall have more wisdom from one Brooke Cartolano.

In the mean time, here is the mix. I don't really believe much in the way of an explanation is needed, except that I really love Zach Braff, and I really enjoy his music taste. Enjoy.


1
Nick Drake
"Pink Moon"
2
Cary Brothers
"Blue Eyes "
3
Colin Hay
"Beautiful World"
4
Cat Stevens
"Wild World"
5
The Beatles
"For No One"
6
Elliot Smith
"Thirteen"
7
Ben Kweller
"In Other Words"
8
Bob Dylan
"Shelter from the Storm"
9
Johnny Cash
"Walk the Line"
10
Simon and Garfunkel
"Mrs. Robinson"
11
The Shins
"Gone for Good"
12
Ben Folds
"The Luckiest"
13
Sufjan Stevens
"John Wayne Gacy, Jr."
14
Imogen Heap
"Hide and Seek"
15
The Velvet Underground
"Femme Fatale"
16
Elton John
"Funeral for a Friend"

All wrapped up in wrong

[Warning:] Preachy and cynical entry to follow. Read at own risk.

You know, I thought people couldn't surprise me anymore. I thought I had grown so cynical that the closed-minded world in which I live was no more a bitter sting to my heart, but rather had grown to a dull ache that could be easily masked with the right music (right now it's Tv on the Radio) and a bottle of Jagermeister. Oh how wrong was I.
My mother was telling me a story last night about what had happened to her while in line buying Christmas gifts. My mother, being the bleeding heart that she is, wears a Star of David around her neck. No, she is not Jewish. She is, however, supporting two things: the Jews in Israel, and the fact that the Holocaust DID happen.
While she was in line, someone felt the need to point out that she was wearing a Star of David. Some people overheard this, and started giving her dirty looks, as if to say "If you're Jewish, what are you doing here, buying Christmas Presents?" People stared, and people whispered.
Honestly, in my opinion, it was bad enough that someone felt the need to point out that she was wearing a Star of David necklace in the first place, no matter how innocent it was. If she were wearing a crucifix, would anyone have even said anything? Chances are that they wouldn't. Why? Because clearly Christians aren't evil like the Jews are. It is so ingrained into our culture to hate those of Jewish faith, no matter how subtle this hate may be. What do people typically say when they feel they are receiving the short end of the proverbial stick? "I was Jewed."
Harmless? No, not really. On a more extreme note, are people who are of the Christian faith ever ridiculed? Are there derogatory names for them, like the word kike for Jews? No, there aren't.

I thought my generation was supposed to be this enlightened, more highly evolved and open-minded than the ones before it. But I guess I was wrong.
You people are idiots. And this goes for anyone who sees a black man walking down the street, and chooses to cross. This is for anyone who sees two men holding hands, and thinks "Disgusting." This is for anyone who sees someone dressed nicely, or someone who is more sensitive than others, and calls them a fag. This is for all the people who will see a woman athlete and call her Dyke. This is for all the men who took advantage of a woman because he believed her to be weaker. This is for all the ignorant bastards in the church who ostracized the 19 year old girl who was pregnant, but not married.
Yes, this is a big FUCK YOU to all of you people.

Have a nice day.

"Oh i will be your accident, if you will be my ambulance."
-"Ambulance" by Tv on the Radio

Replacing you is so easy.

When the weather changes, my mood and general disposition change as well. Therefore, I must change something about myself. Last summer, that meant getting a piercing. In the beginning of fall, that meant getting more piercings. Now come winter, it means getting a tattoo and dying my hair a glorious shade of blue / black.
Why do this? Well, frankly, because I can.
I get restless sometimes, especially in the change of seasons, and something must be done about it. It used to be that I would just change my hair color/cut six times over the course of a month, but that got to be too expensive, and also made my hair begin to fall out. And excuse me, but I value not being bald.
So, I guess this might mean that soon, I'll be a human pin cushion / canvas. And I'm okay with that.

With that, here is my winter mix. (I decided that a new season deserved a mix) It is guaranteed to make you feel all wintery. Best with (1) cup of hot coco. =]

"A Love Like Winter" -A Fire Inside
"A Hazy Shade of Winter" -Simon and Garfunkel
"A Whiter Shade of Pale" -Procol Harum
"By My Side" -Godspell (the musical) [don't hate, it's a gorgeous song.]
"Christmas Isn't Safe for Animals" -Of Montreal
"Stephanie Says" -The Velvet Underground
"Food in the House" -Nellie McKay
"20 Years of Snow" -Regina Spektor
"She's Got a Way About Her" -Billy Joel
"No Winter for a Year" -The Arcade Fire
"Winter Wonderland" -Radiohead
"Blue Light" -Bloc Party
"Little Donkey" -The Boy Least Likely To
"Xmas Cake" -Rilo Kiley
"The New Year" -Deathcab For Cutie
"Asleep" -The Smiths
"Sister Winter" -Sufjan Stevens

"But my heart is returned to sister winter..." -Sufjan Stevens

All the guys have the same girl's haircut

I have made a very sad discovery about myself. Yes, yesterday was a dark, dark day in the life of one Brooke Sloane Cartolano.

I was reading Twelfth Night, and doing an assignment for it as well. The assignment was to find a small section of blank verse in which Shakespeare deviated from the normal iambic pentameter. Sounds easy enough, yes? Well, NO. Then I had to say WHY he deviated, WHAT the deviation was, and WHAT it meant. And I froze. I sat there for literally hours trying to figure it out. Ultimately, in the interest of time and due dates, I just copied someone else. But I feel really bad about it, I swear! I am not the type to just do the work so I can pass. I have to learn something. Or else I will go NUTS. I am the same way with math. That's why I hated precalculus. They told me a formula existed, but would not explain why. Only that it was always correct.

Even though the assignment is done, I'm still going to go back and try and figure it out for myself. Because that's how I am.

The point of this was, this whole thing shattered my delusions of being this enlightened soul. If I can't even interpret Shakespeare, clearly I am an unfit individual. I should be slaughtered and served up next to a side of wild rice and carrots.

I wish I could have my pretensions back =[

Proof that Shakespeare was a dirty man who needed to be laid.

I am getting so lazy with these lately...


From Twelfth Night:

MALVOLIO
(picking up the letter) By my life, this is my lady's hand
these be her very C's, her U's and her T's
and thus makes she her great P's.
It is, in contempt of question, her hand.

Sparknotes said:
This is an obscene joke. Malvolio unwittingly spells out "cut," Elizabethan slang for vagina, which is what she uses to make her "pees."

HAHAHAHA

My gift is my song

So right now I am listening to Elton John. Why? Because Elton John is the fucking MAN. I just heard the most amazing version of "Your Song." It was one of those splice two songs together things. The backround music was the beat to Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" and then the words were Elton John singing "Your Song." I mean, no, really. Listen to it.

Oh, and look, Elton John joined started the Hyphy Movement.

One last dance with Mary Jane

Please, never, ever do drugs around me. Frankly, I think it is the biggest sign of stupidity one could convey. Yes, I admit I have done my "dabbling" in them. I have smoked some weed (a lot) in past days, mostly around the beginning of freshman year, then I stopped until the middle of sophomore year. Then a little last summer. Yes, I have snorted Oxycontin once, and snorted Vicoden a couple of times.

But I am past all of that. And for very good reason. I don't know if people realize how unattractive they are when they are stoned 24/7. I have friends that smoke in the morning, in the afternoon, and then again at night. Those same friends are the ones whom I don't hang around with anymore. I do not think I am better than them, oh no, I just find their company lately quite intolerable.

I have a boyfriend who is a big advocate for psychedelic drugs (LSD, shrooms.) Granted, he doesn't do them very often. He can count on one hand the number of times he has done them. He claims that they have transcendental powers, and that he is better after doing them. But still, he is lucky that I love him so much for all of the other things that he is that the occasional herb smoking doesn't bother me. And he knows NEVER to do drugs around me.

Basically, the point of all of this was, what, honestly do people get out of drug use? Everything in this life is temporary enough for people to go after something that is more temporary than the rest. Health, wealth, and happiness, I say. And no, drugs do not make you happy. They make you think you're happy, so they are a lie. And nobody likes liars.

In two completely unrelated topics, I really want Steal This Book and Revolution for the Hell of It by Abbie Hoffman. Besides all the drugs he did, (Hey, it was the 60's.) he is my hero.

And The Blood Brothers show last night was incredible. I have never danced / screamed so much in my entire life.

"I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars. "

-Abbie Hoffman

I took a personality color quiz.

It kind of creeped me out how right this was...http://www.colorquiz.com/


Your Existing Situation
Trying to improve her position and prestige. Dissatisfied with her existing circumstances and considers some improvement essential to her self-esteem
Your Stress Sources
Wants freedom to follow her own convictions and principles, to achieve respect as an individual in her own right. Desires to avail herself of every possible opportunity without having to submit to limitations or restrictions.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.
Feels cut off and unhappy because of the difficulty in achieving the essential degree of cooperation and harmony which she desires.
Distressed by the obstacles with which she is faced and is no mood for any form of activity or for further demands on her. Needs peace and quiet, and the avoidance of anything which might distress her further.
Exacting in her emotional demands, especially during moments of intimacy leaving her frustrated in her desire for a perfect union.
Your Desired Objective
Wants to make a favorable impression and be rewarded as a special personality. Is therefore constantly on the watch to see whether she is succeeding in this and how others are reacting to her. this makes her feel that she is in control. Uses tactics cleverly in order to obtain influence and special recognition. Susceptible to the esthetic or original.
Your Actual Problem
Seeks to avoid criticism and to prevent restriction of her freedom to act, and to decide for herself by the exercise of great personal charm in her dealings with others.
Your Actual Problem #2
Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics she admires and to display originality in her own personality.

Canadian teenage melodrama

I found my quote book last night. I have been keeping one since around the beginning of Freshman year, when things such as remembering the words of others suddenly became direly important. I discovered that it isn't only good for simply remembering things. It is also useful for comforting a sad friend as you snuggle under the covers late at night, reading her some of the better quotes, to make her laugh or to give her insight.
So, i have decided to share a few. Mainly because i am too lazy to write my usual long-winded rant / excitement for the day. Most of these have come from various books I have read over the years. Enjoy.

"If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you'd like." -Garden State

"It's not God who's fucked up, it's the screamers who believe in Him and claim to pursue their ends in His Holy Name!" -A Prayer for Owen Meany

"I went to a drug store the other day and I saw a card that said 'get-well soon.' Fuck that! Get well now." -Demetri Martin

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." -Charlie Brown

"Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on." -John Keats

"Whoever said sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain." -Unknown

"Almost only counts for horseshoes and hand grenades."

"Like it or not, this is you. Forget about who you thought you were and just accept who you are now." -Jersey Girl

"Frank- What do you want to do, ruin me?
Cathrine- Yes. I want to ruin you.
Frank- Good. That's what I want too." -A Farewell to Arms

Okay I have a lot more but if I use them all up in one post, I won't have anything with which to end my other posts.

We make Star Wars sexy...

Megan and I are doing a photoshoot. A Star Wars phototshoot. I will be wearing my prized vintage Darth vader shirt and short black shorts, and she will be wearing a white tank top and a storm trooper helmet.

And we have Lightsabers.

+

+

=
Amazing.

Yeah, we rule.

Burn, piano island, burn.

December will bring much joy and happiness for yours truly. Oh yes, it is the time of giving, the time of joy, the time of peace and hope... But for me, it is the time I will see The Blood Brothers and The Flaming Lips live in the same month. How excited am I? Oh, the words could not express. (**Note to self, stop using the interjection 'oh'.)

The Blood Brothers absorbed much of my Sophomore year. I have fond memories of Brittany and I dancing and thrashing around like maniacs in my bedroom, screaming along to "Trash Flavored Trash." We especially enjoyed the part that went "There's a girl in a cage making love to a switchblade." We thought we were the shit. And then I discovered Burn, Piano Island, Burn, which I currently maintain as the best Blood Brothers album to date. I especially love listening to the track from which the album gets its name. And others like "Celia" and "Ambulance, Ambulance" are also great. I honestly can say that I have never heard a band like them before. The Blood Brothers have their own unique sound. From the high pitched screeching vocals, to the lower sing/talking ones, The Blood Brothers fucking own. I mean, how many bands have two lead singers? I'm sure a lot more than I am aware of, but I am also sure they don't jam as much as The mutherfucking Blood Brothers. Anyways, i am seeing them, along with And You Will Know Us by the Trail of the Dead at The Fillmore in San Francisco on December 5th.

As for The Flaming Lips, oh god, what could I say? I remember the first time I ever heard them. I was about 7 or 8 years old and I saw Batman Forever. During the scene where the soon-to-be-Riddler is trying to find an alter ego for himself, "Bad Days" plays. Yes, it was the first time I ever heard The Lips. A few years later, when I was much older and more mature (14) I heard "Do You Realize?" and I was hooked for life. I saw a few music videos, and I was determined that The Flaming Lips was a band I must see live before I died. And now, Finally, on December 30th, a New Years Eve Eve bash, I will dress as a space alien (because we are cool like that) with my lovely boyfriend Hunter and head to the Bill Gram Civic Auditorium with a caravan of people to see this most amazing band live. All I can say is that they better play "She Don't Use Jelly."

Oh, and I think this girl named Blaire Bridges is amazing. I mean, anyone who can put up with my shit for as long as she has MUST be. She loves me, and I certainly love her. Yes.

Wow. I'm surprised you read to the end.

"Were it not for music, we might in these days say, the Beautiful is dead." -Benjamin Disraeli